Pictured: Rollins Theater students: JG Lantigua, Emily Killian, and Shannon Lynch

Okay, okay, I know I haven't been here for awhile. What have I been doing with my time, you might ask, since I haven't been writing? Hello! It's DECEMBER, right? As usual, I've been organizing my personal equivalent of the invasion of Normandy or Hannibal's trek over the Alps to annoy Rome. Christmas prep for me is really like a general fighting a war. Takes me a week to decorate the house including a super cleaning frenzy (I typically ignore dust during the rest of the year since it comes back, anyway). Then, I usually do a couple of big parties. Spend three days in uber-shopping. Wrap the gifts haphazardly but put them under the main tree in artistic perfection. Send cards, newsletters, and pictures to all the folks I should have kept in better touch with during the year. Then, I fight off a cold. By this time, it is, uh around December tenth...just like today. So, know you know. But, that isn't exactly the main subject of this Blog. So, here goes: the subject is the theater, my dears, and what I learned about life from being a part of it.

This week, a couple of things happened that got me thinking about the past. My past. My college past. In the theater. First, I hosted a home dinner party on December 7th for Theta Alpha Phi (National Theater Honor Society) at Rollins College. Early December is when the new inductees are, well inducted, and the Annie Russell Theatre Guild sponsors a dinner in their honor, attended by students, professors and ART staff, and Guild members. About sixty gathered around my pool. This event is always a whole lotta work but the theater and the students are close to my heart. Danny and I always attend the plays at Rollins and as each year passes are more and more impressed with the caliber of performances and production. The students are intelligent, sophisticated, and always a joy to have around. And, as a former Rollins Player, I know first hand how committed they are to the Arts and how hard they work at perfecting their craft.

I well remember taking classes all day and rehearsing pretty much every night. Then performing the play and starting the process all over again. I missed a lot of sorority meetings and beach days and got to most of the frat parties late. But, I loved pretty much every moment in the theater and wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.

I had a long ago letter (written by me to a friend) given to me early this week which was the second thing that made me reflect on my college past. The letter reminded me that I actually started my college years at Eckerd in St Petersburg, majoring in English Literature with a general idea of becoming a drama critic like one of my grandfathers. I got bitten by the theater bug the summer of my freshman year and decided pretty much on the spur of a July moment to transfer to Rollins and shift my major to Theater Arts. I ended up getting my first degree in English, but that's another dull story you are not going to have to read here.

My practical mother said, "Its nice that you are studying theater dear, but maybe you should take some education courses too, so you can actually get a job after." Turned out she was right since I didn't go off to New York post graduation to earn my Tony's and fame if not fortune. Why didn't I? I don't know. I wasn't the most or the least talented of my group but I was talented enough to make it legit and in those days good looking enough for stardom as well. The kid could sing, too. I will say, since I need to come up with some answer that is at least partially plausible, that I lacked the ambition and the compulsion. Maybe, okay, I am a little on the lazy side, too. I like short term projects as opposed to long ones which tax my concentration. I probably lacked the guts to 'starve in a garret' as well. In any case, I ended up working for a bank for awhile which was pretty boring, went to grad school, got married, and became a teacher. Used the education courses, thank you Mom. Later I was a psychometrist, a museum docent, and a volunteer and fundraiser for the arts. Finally, a writer but never an actor.

A couple of years ago now I ran into a theater professor from my Rollins days at an Art festival event and asked him if he remembered me. He did. He remembered my pre-married name and ticked off about five parts I played at the Annie in about a minute and a half. This was, I thought, pretty impressive memory skill since my college days are long long ago in a galaxy far far away. He asked me, "How have your used your theater training?" I told him I am a writer not an actor but that I have used what I learned in every single thing I have ever done since I left my student days behind.

So, here's the crux of the Blog. Wake up! Take notes. Here's what the theater gave me. First, confidence. Confidence to take on new things and risk making a total fool of myself. Confidence to laugh when I slip and fall and pick myself up and actually make it look like I meant to slip in the first place. Confidence to shrug my shoulder and go on. Confidence to go for the laugh and not get it. Confidence to look critics in the eye and smile or thumb my nose if I want. Confidence to give a speech for a hundred folks or so without reading a single note card.

Second, I learned to pretend well. Pretend I happy when I am not. Pretend to feel well with a migraine. Pretend to know what I am doing when I don't have the first clue. That happens almost daily. In my long life, I have pretended to be so many things. I learned in the theater to observe how people convey or hide things via body language, talk, use technical terminology, etc so I could pretend to be a teacher, PR person, confident hostess, or whatever was necessary. Pretend while I actually learned on the job as it were. To paraphrase Willy S, All the world's a stage and men and women merely players. Improvisation kinda goes along with this. And I actually had classes in it. When stuff goes wrong in real life and it does a lot, the ability to improvise is actually a survival skill.

I learned physical skills too. Good posture, how to move gracefully despite my really huge feet, how to speak so that my voice would bounce off the back walls of the room if necessary. I still know how to walk through a crowded room and get the attention of everyone in it without a word, time my first remark, enunciate, and take control of a meeting with eye control. Thank you, theater.These skills saved my bacon many times. What I didn't learn too well, is how to fade into the background. I just can't stay quiet long enough. (Insert laugh here) Fortunately, a career in espionage was not a desired or necessary option.

Speaking the speech as it was pronounced to me (Hamlet) taught me to appreciate the spoken language which I feel helped me write poetry. I am usually complimented on my adept use of dialogue and dialect in my short stories and novels which I think was a benefit of theater training and study. My writing is heavy on scene which is no doubt a by product of theater study as well. When I write a scene, I actually visualize the characters acting it out in my mind which helps me insert the little bits of physical business and description. And then there is plot. Ain't no story without plot, which has to have a story arc (Beginning, middle, end). Who wants what, who gets in the way, how does the hero get around the antagonist are essential elements in story craft. And, don't forget to kill some of your darlings. That's drama. That's entertainment. I studied Shakespeare, boys and girls. 'Nuff said.

So that's it for now. Some of what I learned in the theater. Mommy and Daddy didn't waste their money. These days, I watch, enjoy a good performance, and applaud. Yesterday, as a Guild member, I 'adopted' the three talented, smart, and charming students pictured above. I am not really sure what the adoption means as I haven't been given any direction on it. Will have to improvise, I guess. TTFN Live long and prosper.

The Ox is Slow But the Earth is Patient

I heard that line in a movie somewhere, sometime: it wasn't one of mine. I snorted at the time I first heard it I think, but I never forgot it. Forgot the movie though. The line sorta kinda describes my state of writing being right now. Slow, slow, slow. Dragon book is stuck in the muck of my not so creative mind these days and it seems I will seize upon any and every excuse not to write. "I have to do laundry. My acid reflux is too much. I need a nap. I have to look over the Christmas decorations and see what is usable." Blah, blah, blah. I do hope the earth really is patient. Just call me OX.

So here's some other great lines from movies that resonate with my un-a-mused state and stagnating manuscript:

"Game over, man. Game over! What the f-k are we gonna do now, man?" (Aliens)

"Ask yourself, Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?" (Dirty Harry)

"You'll shoot your eye out kid." (A Christmas Story)

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." (Gone With The Wind)

"I have a bad feeling about this." (Star Wars)

We'll always have Paris." (Casablanca)

"I'll have what she's having." (When Harry Met Sally)

"Come with me if you want to live." (Terminator)

"Show me the money." (Jerry Maguire)

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." (The Godfather)

I am imagining a scene with my muse as we sit across a battered table from each other looking over my sad 180 pages. It is late at night and raining.

MUSE: (shaking his head) That's it? That's all ya got, kid?"

ME: )pointing at the manuscript) I have a bad feeling about this. Its going nowhere. Maybe I should just try to write vampire books with silly shallow teenagers and one dimensional characters and no real action.

MUSE: (nodding) Don't forget the bad dialogue and too much narration. Like that nice Myer girl. Made a zillion bucks last year I hear. Everybody loves Edward it seems.

ME: Yeah, I'll have what she's having. Show me the money. I wish. But, I can't write that sort of stuff. So, I guess its just game over, game over, man. What the f-k am I gonna do now, man?

MUSE: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I'm going to Disneyworld to hang out with Tinker Belle.

ME: No, don't leave me. How will I write without you?

MUSE: (shrugging) Well, we'll always have Paris.

ME: What does that mean? We've never been to Paris. We'll always have rewrites, though. If you just don't give up on me.

MUSE: (Pointing to my desk and laptop.) Oh okay, come with me if you want to write. Sit down there at your desk and ask yourself, do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk? Just listen to what I say and you'll write your heart out, kid.

ME: (eagerly)Go ahead, make my day!

MUSE: Okay, kid, I'm gonna make you an offer ya can't refuse.

* * *

I am ready for my close up, Mr DeMille. But, my manuscript isn't. And the damn muse is cavorting with Tinker Belle I think.

Live long and prosper. (Star Trek)

Shut up Whoos, Bah Humbug, and all that gobble gobble...

Well, my little Bloggers, it looks like the holidays are fast approaching again. Sorry to say, this year the Christmas girl just ain't feelin' the love. Never mind that its still in the 80s two weeks before Thanksgiving which always makes it a stretch to imagine Santa and the reindeer and Frosty et all...right now I just can't summon up the magic no how. I feel like the Grinch nervously drumming his fingers and saying, "I must find a way to stop Christmas from coming!"

Now granted last Christmas wasn't one I remember with fondness. It was just stress stress stress. That could be part of the issue I'm having contemplating a new one coming. Last year, I somehow got committed to hosting two big parties in one week which put me into a mondo decorating frenzy as early as Thanksgiving. By bed time on the evening of the second party I was suffering from a major nosebleed that I feared wouldn't stop, but fortunately did in thirty minutes. Several times in December I had stressful encounters with ex-family that harshened my mellow. And like pretty much everyone last year, I was actively worried about the worsening recession and political atmosphere in our country. Unlike most folks, the promises of change made by President Elect Obama did not fill me with a whole lot of hope, although there was perhaps a tiny spark inside that said, "Well, maybe this time..."

Flash forward a year. Change to the nation has not come. Washington DC is still full of the usual hot air, special interest manipulation, pork, and chaos. Partisanship trumps good sense. I doubt there will be much 'goodwill to men' in the halls of power. Locally, the same folks who were out of work last year at this time still are. The housing market has continued to worsen till the majority of homes with for sale signs are short sales and foreclosures. For those who need or want to sell, drop your asking price several HUNDRED thousand from what it would have been back in 2005...big ouch. We are still at war in Iraq and in Afghanistan and we are not winning. Those of you out there in Blogland who believe that the health care bill passed by the House will pass the Senate and if it does will actually provide better, cheaper, and more available health care for all, raise your hands. I don't see any hands raised from where I sit. And how's your investment portfolio these days? Retirement looking good? Seen any bailout money trickle down to your neighbors, friends, and community? Yes, we can? Uh, maybe not.

So, where's the hope and love we're all supposed to feel at this time of year?

Now, while I am grousing and I know I am, I also count my personal blessings. For now, I have an income. I can keep my home. As far as I know, I have no dread diseases. My kids are happy, healthy, grown up, self sufficient, and have beautiful children of their own to create the Christmas magic for. Publix has egg nog ice cream and peppermint bark is appearing in the stores again. I am looking forward to getting out of town the week between Christmas and New Years and hopeful that the change will jump start my enthusiasm fro 2010.

I'm also gonna take it easier over the holidays. Doing the party for Rollins (for the second and last year) but not doing my personal party (only the 3rd time skipping it in 30 years thus far). Not decorating as much as usual inside or out. 'Grinchy Nancy' is not even gonna light the luminarias on the neighborhood light up night this year. That one because I am still angry at my neighbors over the RV left in the driveway overnight gonna turn you into Code Enforcement thing. My neighbors aren't particularly friendly 364 days a year so I've had it with the faky holiday cheer from them. (For those of you who don't live in Florida, unfriendly neighbors are the usual thing in a place traditionally transient.)

So, bah humbug. That's what I'm feeling.Somebody else carve the roast beast this year. I'm tired. Sorry but that's the way it is.

Random Acts of Violence

2009: We live in violent times, no matter where we live. Every day reports of calculated or random and senseless acts of hatred and violence are reported on the TV news, in the papers, and online. We avidly watch violence acted and re-inacted in teleplays and movies and video games. Husbands kill estranged wives, wives kill estranged husbands. Parents kill their babies. Children are abducted, raped, and murdered. People are tortured and blown up in the name of Allah or because they worship Allah. People kill other people for greed, in displaced anger, and sometimes for no reason that anyone can discern. To some degree, we have become desensitized to violence. We say "What a shame" then shrug and go out to dinner. It doesn't seem quite real. Not until there is some connection that makes it seem real.

Yesterday, a man shot multiple people at Ft. Hood in Texas. I hate to admit this, but I said, "What a shame" and turned the news channel to a show on Home and Garden Network. It didn't hit home. But, today, just before lunch, a forty year old man named Mark Rodriquez entered an office building at the Gateway Center just fifteen minutes from my home near Orlando and opened fire on the workers at an architectural firm, Reynolds, Smith and Hill. Six people were badly injured. One has died thus far. All of a sudden, the senseless violence became very personal. When I saw the news, I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. I locked my doors. I suddenly felt unsafe.

I know the area. I know people who work there and live nearby. I drive past that building frequently. My lawyers' office is on the top floor. I wondered if he was a victim. The prep school my daughter attended is within walking distance. Police locked it down. A hotel that many friends have stayed in is across the street. The building where the crime occurred is not in a slum or area generally considered unsafe. I was reminded, as I sat glued to the TV for the next hour and a half, that no place is guaranteed safe anymore.

Here's another recent example. On Halloween night within walking distance of my home a middle aged man finished dinner with a female companion at an upscale restaurant along Park Avenue. As he made his way to his car, two men in Halloween costumes accosted him and attempted a robbery. Apparently the victim resisted and he was repeatedly stabbed with knives. He is still in the hospital and the perps remain at large.

Today's apparent nutcase was identified by an office worker and apprehended after several hours by OPD at his mother's apartment east of the city. He told police he did it because, "They left me to rot." He was referring, as far as I can tell, to having been fired or laid off two years ago by the company. Times are hard. I feel for the folks who have it tough. But that hardly justifies murder. I feel no sympathy for Mark Rodriquez. Whatever his troubles were he made the choice to do evil. His statement shows a lack of personal responsibility. Maybe he's just plain nuts. Nobody knows yet. But, he took at least one life in anger. I hope he gets justice and that the justice is harsh.

As for me, I was lucky not to have an errand at 1000 Legion Place this morning. I was lucky not to be out to dinner on Park Avenue on Halloween. I am grateful that my kids and Danny were safely somewhere else today when Mark Rodriquez made the choice to take out his personal agenda out on innocent people with a smoking gun. We were all lucky. This time. Six other people weren't lucky. Tomorrow, it may be my turn. My family's turn. Or your family's turn. In 2009, we live in violent times.

Here's a weird postscript: About the time the shootings occurred and the perp was racing away in his SUV, I was out walking my Rottweiler/Catahoula dog, Abby. She is the 'sensitive' one in the Mutley Crew. It was a beautiful sunny peaceful day. All of a sudden, she jumped up in the air, looked around, tucked tail and literally dragged me home. She was so upset, I didn't try to stop her. Probably totally coincidental, but from now on I am going to pay attention to her reactions to things much more closely.

That's all for now friends. Orlando's most recent killer is behind bars. The soldier run amok in Texas is behind bars. But, who knows what other snipers and killers, and robbers are lurking in dark corners? In conclusion, as they said on Hill Street Blues, "Be careful out there." Watch your backs. Be alert. Always. Good night, and good luck.

Happy Howl-o-ween

Trick or treat! Here's some recent photos of the day we met Laura and family at Sea World to celebrate Halloween Under the Sea. It was Bailey's first time there and PJ really enjoyed the Shamu show as well as seeing the cast members dressed up in watery halloween style for the holiday... as well as filling up his bag with chocolate goodies.

Tonight's the big night tho: PJ will cruise his neighborhood dressed as Bumblebee in Transformers and Alex is the Blues Clues dog. Bailey is a baby butterfly. Photos will be posted soon.

We brought in gyros and potato salad from Athena Chicken. We've lit the pumpkins and the spooky candles. Halloween music is playing in the other room. We're watching Dexter on DVD, eating candy, and waiting for the doorbell to ring. Its almost dark. Let the revels begin. Have a fun and safe night. Happy Howl o ween.

October Update

Hidey Ho, Boys and Girls

I uploaded some recent photos as you can see. The first is my beautiful grand daughter, Miss Bailey Lynne Brown, at six months. After that are scenes of: 1. our favorite new eatery at Flagler Beach, The Flagler Fish House, a small place where you pick out the sort of fresh fish you want from a cooler display, decide the method of cooking and sauce you want, and order it. Table service, dandy seafood dip n homemade chips and killer desserts too. Fish tacos and shrimp grits available as well. Yummy! 2. Danny's mom, Charlotte, on the almost always uncrowded dog friendly beach 3.Danny and Ginny snoozing on the RV sofa after a run down the beach at warp four after seabirds.

Random thoughts:

I was reading this morning in the paper about the latest shenanigans in DC over the health care bills. I shook my head. The lawyers and lawmakers in Washington are so far removed from the 'real' Americans no matter what they say or how hard they try to understand we the people. I venture that not a one of them has lost their job and been unable to find another. They have affordable insurance cause they get government backed insurance and discounts and perks and a healthy salary from politics and whatever other jobs they have or had. They haven't lost their home to a bank or been personally f***ked by a credit card company. Fixed incomes? Not for politicos. So, they say public option then no public option and lets fine people if they don't buy insurance. Sure, lets fine the guy who has no job, no house, and is in credit card debt for the rest of his life. Give him a tax deduction on taxes he isn't paying on income he' not getting or cant pay anyway. Yeah. How many ways can you spell clueless?

I read that they are giving President Obama a Noble prize. Now, I have nothing personally against the President but I have to say for what?!! What has he done? Lets see: we are still in Afghanistan and Iraq and we're still not winning. The economy is still in the crapper. Iran thumbs its nasty nose at us and continues to push their agenda of hate to all non Muslims. Affordable health care is still an improbability. Retirement investments and indeed all investments are still poor. We, as a country, are even more in debt than we have ever been. Chicago didn't even get the friggin' Olympics despite the millions we taxpayers paid to send Obama to Denmark to do an unnecessary speech. Nobel prize to Obama. Cause he looks good in a suit maybe. Cause he said, change is necessary and, ye we can. Talk is cheap even if nothing else is these days and apparently a Nobel prize is as well. If ya wanna give out prizes for good intentions, well, there are plenty around. But, don't results count anymore? Oh well, at least nobody is giving out anything to Mr. Im-a-dinner-jacket. And by the way, doesn't a head of state know about the use of a razor and a tailor to fit his dinner jacket properly? Iran's head dude looks more like Ackmed the taxi driver. At least our President looks presidential!

Why does anyone care about John and Kate? What a waste of time and money. They are less interesting than my neighbors.

How 'bout them Steelers?! 'm drinking my morning coffee in my yellow and black Steelers mug every morning and wishing I was in Pittsburgh where the highs are between 60 and 70 instead of in Florida where the weather is still trying to be July. It is 95 again today. Walking outside is like walking in a bowl of soup right off the burner.

I am writing and it is getting better. Credit Woodstream writers workshops for jump starting my enthusiasm again.

No vet visits this week. Can ya believe that? Last week end Ginny accidentally ripped out her stitches and had to have staples put in. But this week was peaceful.

New sy-fy shows again on Friday nights, thank goodnes. Bout time. Reading a good book, The Whiskey Rebels by David Liss. I recommend it.

TTFN Live long and prosper.

Hey bloggers,

Someone pointed out that I haven't written a Blog in awhile. So, here's a report. I have been busy climbing the Matterhorn, accepting an Emmy, curing swine flu, and learning to make cupcakes and lump free gravy. Just kidding, but then you knew that. I can't make cupcakes.

I guess I really have been busy, but I am not sure what I have accomplished. Been writing in fits and starts on the dragon book. I'd like to say its going well but I feel like I am going in a circle and not making much progress with the storyline at all. Kinda like James Joyce when a friend asked him how much he'd written that day and Joyce said he'd written seven words. The friend exclaimed, "But that's a lot for you!" and Joyce replied, "Yes, but I don't know in what order the words go in."

I've tried to organize my house a little. I've straightened up bedroom closets, kitchen closet, linen closet, and garage and it doesn't look any different. I am awash on a river of clutter. I just really need to get rid of a ton of stuff I don't use and don't want and the idea seems over whelming. The very thought sucks energy out of me. More fun was going to Michaels and Target and buying some Halloween stuff and decorating the house with it. More stuff! Insert sigh here.

During the week days I've been taking the dogs to the vet. I have been to the vet at lest seven times in the last 30 days. Really. You don't even want to think about my bills. I think I have about seven different kinds of medications I have to give each day, too.

I have been suffering from acid reflux for over a month now and yes, I know I should probably go to a doctor. That doesn't mean I will until it gets a lot worse. I've been slogging liquid antacids, chewing Tums, taking Prilosec, and trying to eat a low fat diet. Unfortunately, I love Mexican, Italian, and Greek cruisine and am addicted to coffee. I dream of chocolate. INsert another sigh here.

We've spent our weekends since I last blogged either going to various beaches or spending time with my kids and grandkids. Pictured in this entry are PJ and Chili, Laura's new puppy (Great Dane) named Clyde, and myself going down the giant slide at PJ's recent birthday party. This week end, we're off to the beach again, this time Flagler, with Danny' mom, Charlotte.

I am getting a little less discontent with Florida as each week passes. Maybe I am just resigned to the realities of the economy and all the improbabilities of a move. The fact that it (the weather) was a little cooler the past several days has helped elevate my mood. I am hoping summer weather is gone for the year...or a least for a week or two.

So, there's the update. That's all, folks. If I had to name it, I would say 'Status Quo'. Hopefully, I can come up with something more exciting soon. Say you don't care if its true or not and I'll get working on it!

Live long and prosper.