Monday, July 27, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sorry to be among the missing lately but I have been freakin' busy. I've been trying to get ready for my first long 'vacation' trip in 14 years. Yes, that's right, I did say 14 years. I don't like to travel much and generally a week end at the beach an hour or so away by car is just fine with me. I hate to fly commercially and I have a tendency of falling asleep at the wheel when driving on the highway, so you can see some difficulties here. I also hate to pack and always over pack, like if I forget a single thing I will be in a life or death survival situation even if going to London or New York! I also hate leaving my dogs.
But, anyway, we are going on a road trip from Florida to Western Pennsylvania and back and will be gone for ten days. Driving. In the WInnebago. Camping out. Taking two of the dogs. There you have it. Thus far, the longest trip we've done in the RV was Atlanta and back in a week end, so this will be a new experience. W're had to take thr Winnie in for several "get her ready" servicings in Kissimmee and Apopka which are both a hike from home and time consuming. Now, the cab a/c isnt working, so, sigh one more trip for service is coming up on Monday next.
Chili is staying behind on this trip and Danny's sister will be coming to Florida for a vacation and dogsitting experience while we're off on our road tripping.
I've had appointments with the lawyer for setting up my trust and making a new will. I've had appointments with my broker/financial advisor. I had my annual eye exam and got new glasses. (I can see!!) I've met with the illustrater of my dragon book. Got my new drivers liscence. I've also been writing about six hours a day. Whew!
We did take some fun time at Cocoa and Flagler Beach and saw the new Harry Potter film.
The most exciting part of July was not my birthday last week (although I did have fun) but has been the forward momentum on my new book, The Adventures of Mungo Tim. I am at 130 pages and moving along at warp four. Got the first full color illustration of Tim and he's wonderful: he has bat wings, the head of an alligator, horns, a T-rex body with longer front legs, raptor claws, and a long spikey tail. His eyes are cinnebar red, his spikes are cerulean blue, wings are emerald green, scales aquamarine.
Well must run on. Walk time and are microchipping the dogs today. Well, the vet is anyway.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A Pittsburgh Fourth Of July
By Nancy Wayman Deutsch
July 4th, 2009
The boom of neighbor's cannon calls
from high on the hill across the red dog road,
saluting the grand old flag,
I, The Yankee Doodle Kid, rise up singing,
from precarious perch atop porch railing
red, white and blue, I am for you
saluting the grand old flag.
The children come, throwing caps on the porch
lighting, with purloined matches, black snakes
which sputter and curl and turn to ash
drifting away in the breeze,
leaving greasy marks on concrete
as momentos of the morning.
Next, Mt Lebanon Park with Daddy
swinging higher than I should
sultry wind in my face, laughing,
head thrown back, almost upside down
kicking, pumping, scabby legs higher and higher
nearly going over the top.
Dad Dad comes to the park
striding, despite shimmering heat
in pin striped suit and fedora hat
boxes of Hersheys and Clark Bars in hand,
Sky Bars and Musketeers, and Neccho wafers
his annual Independence Day gift, much anticipated
and quickly consumed, long before summer's end.
In Daddy's turquoise and white Chevrolet
we zoom to our neighborhood barbecue
where the Morton's Dog, always the uninvited guest
will steal a burger or two, maybe three,
delighting me, but not the one holding the empty plate.
Mother brings what she calls garbage salad
and dances in yellow skirt between the tables
her cloud of chocolate hair melting in the sun,
as the men compare notes on golf and gardens
and whether or not the Bucs will win the series.
I hug myself, for soon another feast awaits
this one in Mammaw's back yard, in between
the roses, and plaster gnomes and chickens, where
Judy and I will spit water mellon seeds across the grass
then, eat home made ice cream and lemon merange pie.
The stars begin to twinkle as we grab scratchy blankets,
walking one by one, the back way, to the high school field
where we 'ooh and ahh' to the bursts and blasts and canned music
fireworks soaring upward into the magical cobalt sky.
Shanks mare we backtrack, through the woods, to Mammaw's yard
catching glow worms in Mason jars of glass
Later, sprawled in my own Cherry bed,
windows open to the quiet summer night
I drift, smiling, softly off to sleep
the small flashing lights on bed table
pointing my chosen way to fairy lands.
Have a happy one.
Friday, July 3, 2009
THE ABSOLUTELY ACCURATE ADVENTURES OF THE BEST DRAGON EVER
BY MERLYN EFFANS
AS ADAPTED BY NANCY DEUTSCH
Shape shifting is both an art and a curse requiring much study and practice. Let's face it friends. It is both a lifetime commitment and a compulsion. So, you better get it right so you can get it on! I am here to help. You can make Changing into your own personal art form and become the envy of all your were friends. Who wants to be a clumsy oaf when you can be an artiste?
First of all, let me state categorically that shape shifting hurts. Especially the first few times or if you haven't done it in a while. At the risk of discouraging young were folk I have to be honest and say that it is a twitchy itchy ouchy nearly unbearable experience to undergo at first, but don't get discouraged, the process does get faster with experience and time and much more bearable until a beast becomes a changing adept and then you bearly notice any discomfort. Having stated this, I can tell you that there are some practical things that a young were beast or (even an older one) can do to make the conversion from beast to human to beast again much more pleasant.
As any who have witnessed or experienced the Change can attest, the process involves much stretching and pulling. Unused muscles will protest. Friends, you know its true: the stresses and rigors of modern life constantly put our muscles in knots. Were bear or werewolf, our mellow becomes harshened on a daily, if not hourly basis. Thus, changing without stretching first is an absolute NO NO. I recommend rolling out your sticky mat or a good yak rug and doing at least a half dozen basic Yoga positions at the first sign of full moon or equinox. You must find your mellow or be stiff and achy on the morning after! Try for at least twenty minutes per session. The positions of upward and downward dog are especially good for were wolfs. Sphinx position and cat stretch are beneficial for were cats while for were bears the warrior pose is most helpful. There are many good Yoga books on the market if you don't have access to a Yeti master. Check out your local vendor on market day.
Even with the Yoga practice though, I find Larry Micklebreed's Muscle Relaxant Rub to be a helpful addition to your medicine chest. Get a tub and try a rub. You'll be glad you did.
Pookahs and dragons are in a different physical category from other were folk and have different needs. Equine friends have recommended running and jogging. Running five days a week seems to keep them in tip top form. Dragons tell me that turning from beast to human form is a snap since it involves shrinking. However the opposite often involves rapidly expanding from six feet into forty at nearly the speed of light. The study of magic is thus essential if one is not going to find one's self going to pieces. Doctor Daniel Dragon's best selling scroll, Changing For Dummies, available from your market scroll seller everywhere, is highly recommended by this old were bear.
Now, I shall address a universal were beast problem. Embarrassing though it may be, we have all experienced the ripping and shredding of our clothes and loss of expensive running and cross trainer shoes. Not to mention loss of wagon keys and personal communications devices. Of course, you can wear a purse pack around your neck for gold coins and small stuff, but if you are one of those who stretch from small to big, a large chain or leather throng around the neck is absolutely essential and the banging of it against ones skin or fur can be irritating and distracting. Never a good idea with unknown foes lurking about and there's always the risk of the chain getting caught on something during fight or flight. An enemy can use it as a garrote. So, I don't personally recommend purses.
Friends, you are going to lose those i Scrolls, and pocket devices, those designer tights and Air Borden's. Ladies, kiss your Timmy Chew and Manola Slanick heels good bye. Not much can be done about this but replacement. Personally, I am not much into designer duds. I like to just keep the bear necessities around. I recommend saving your coins at Hall Mart or getting designer knock off at the Sunday Flea market. But, that's up to you. If image is more important that savings and practicality, you deserve to lose what you lose.
Remember, when living the wear beast life that less is supposed to be more. Cultivate a minimalist philosophy. Live the simple life. Study, practice, seek enlightenment. Smile, give your neighbor a bear hug occasionally. It will make feel you good inside. Just don't hug too tight. I learned the hard way that some neighbors squish easily.
One of my fellow were bears, the noble Stickleback, asked that I include a bit about the digestive consequences of indiscriminant menu selection when in beast form. As you may have heard, bears of all sort are omnivores, as are most humans. That means basically, that we eat absolutely anything that happens to be in reach. When in bear form we move quite fast, so there's barely anything that isn't in reach except maybe that pink liquid stuff that soothes the tummy after overindulging. Remember also that we tend to be a bit larger in bear form than in human form so its pretty easy to eat something that will stretch your human tummy to uncomfortable size on the morning after when you wake up and find your puny human body barely able to move for all the bloat.
I have it on good authority that werewolves have the same sort of problem with gorging themselves. So, friends do exercise a little restraint. Eat sensibly: aside from gastric distress, who wants to look like a blubber-puss and suffer from bloat? Too much red meat isn't good for the heart. Remember to include some fiber and yogurt in your daily meal plans. Fiber increases digestive efficiency and the yogurt has some of those little microbe things that promote digestive tract health. But, we all overindulge occasionally. When that happens, I have personally found that popping a half dozen of Larry Micklebreed's Gas Not pills works wonders.
In closing, remember my fellow weres, that you are special! So maybe you stand out from the crowd a little. So what? Show 'em the beauty in the beast. Make Changing an art not just a necessity. You can do it. But take care. The misstep of a thousand miles starts with a single trip. Namaste. Live long and live well.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Happy 4th of July everyone!
LET FREEDOM RING
from Between The Lines, pub 2008, iUniverse
Oh beautiful America, my own, my native land,
let freedom ring forever and tyranny be banned.
Let no man hate another; all in brotherhood unite
so we may bask as equals in liberty’s bright light.
Our founders fought with honor, for precious freedom’s sake.
They never lost their courage, nor before a despot quaked.
They endured at Valley Forge, died at the Alamo,
did not strive for glory, yet earned it even so.
When bombs fell on Pearl Harbor, no time to mourn the loss,
our soldiers rallied to the fray to champion freedom’s cause.
In Korea, in Viet Nam, and in far off desert lands,
vowed to stop injustice and promote the right’s of Man.
Let Heaven weigh their sacrifice, their purity of heart.
Let History judge their actions, her wisdom to impart.
As our fathers did before us, we must carry freedom’s light
never bow before the tyrant, stand firm, for what is right.
Oh beautiful America, one nation under God,
in your precious liberty remain forever proud.
As the eagle soaring skyward, fly forever free.
Oh beautiful America, sweet land of liberty.
Nancy Wayman Deutsch
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
First,the hug for self. This week so far I have written eight hours a day for three days solid and wrote quite a bit last week as well. My writers block has broken and I am being really productive folks! Maybe a third to halfway through my new book. A bit easier than usual since I actually know the entire plot basically, and so all I have to do is write it scene by scene and chapter by chapter. Brought in a couple of new characters including a were bear and two really nasty but funny mercenary soldiers that I am having fun with. Have expanded several characters from what were just walk on parts to major supporting roles. I am excited about this project. And its great waking up in the morning eager to get to the computer and do something besides play on Facebook and read email.
Now to the pet peeve. Danny and I got a bit lazy about taking the Parakeet to her storage berth last week due to her pre Pennsylvania trip service schedule and Danny's work schedule and wanting to use her for Gavin's party over the week end and my mania for writing. She was in the driveway for four and a half days which is longer than she'd ever been parked there before. One of my unfriendly neighbors who apparently was offended at the sight of a 23 foot Winnebago in tip top condition in plain sight complained to another neighbor who is on several city boards apparentlythinking he was on Code Enforcement. He told the neighbor who was not courteous or perhaps courageous to talk to me herself that he wasn't on Code Enforcement but when she threatened to call them volunteered to talk to me. Which he very politely did. I said I'd be more conscientious about adhering to city code which is one twenty four hour period per week...never mind that many of my neighbors park big boats in front of their houses every week end...but as you might imagine I was frakkin mad.
Disappointed that a neighbor would threaten complain to the city without ever giving me a chance to make it right. Disgusted that whoever it was hid behind somebody else. And angry that since don't know who it was I now suspect every neighbor I see as an enemy and most are certainly innocent. That's just wrong. The incident was unnecessary.
I certainly have better sense than to park an RV full time in my driveway in a city full of self entitled contentious people...as my city of Winter park certainly is. They fight about everything from local elections, to light rail, to building and zoning, to dog parks. But, I thought my own neighbors were a notch above the newly rich and the newly rich wannabees that have taken over our town in the last few years. Thought they were a little looser and more real. Most probably are. Only takes one rotten apple as they say but....
Here's a poem for the neighbor who hides in the shadows and tries to cause trouble for others. Psst! You may think you are all that but you are not. Eat dirt and die.
My curse on you my enemy.
I hope you get what’s due.
May you choke upon a Snickers Bar.
Come down with deadly flu.
Go eat a raw cheeseburger,
then suffer from ‘mad cow’.
I wish for you the direst fate
that Heaven will allow.
Perhaps you’ll trip on something
and falling, hurt your back.
While dining out in public
suffer from a gas attack.
I hope you gain a hundred pounds.
Your face droops with lines and sags.
The pants you bought don’t fit you.
You’re forced to dress in rags.
Too bad you got the chicken pox.
Your spouse wants a divorce.
A shame to lose your credit cards
when someone steals your purse.
At your twentieth reunion
you hear somebody say,
“They really ought to tell her,
not to wear her hair that way!”
If you think I sound a little mean
in wishing you bad luck,
just remember all your evil deeds
and then eat dirt you….
The rest of you, live long and prosper!